Coping Resource Assignment
The following discusses Arbor Memorial's role in coping, bereavement, and end-of-life planning
Enjoy!!
Arbor Memorial
Arbor Memorial has provided professional and ethical guidance for grieving families in end-of-life planning since 1947, with their first cemetery opening in London. Arbor Memorial has many locations throughout eight provinces, and its head office is located on 2 Jane Street, in Toronto, Ontario. Arbor Memorial is a family-owned company with 130 locations, and 24 of those cemeteries have full-service funeral homes. They have over 2500 dedicated and highly trained staff who are licensed funeral directors. They also employ para funeral assistants, aftercare specialists, and website and printing specialists. The Ontario locations meet the accessibility requirements under the Accessibility for Ontarians with Disabilities Act.
There are probably close to fifty funeral homes in Ontario that are Arbor Memorial. There is a likely chance that many of us have visited or drove by one of their locations. Ajax is home to Pine Ridge Memorial Gardens and McEachnie Funeral Home. O’Neill Funeral Home in Stouffville and Highland Memory Gardens in North York. Lynett Funeral Home in Toronto and Scott Funeral Home has chapels in Brampton, Mississauga, Toronto, and Woodbridge. These are a few of their locations, which can be searched for on their website location finder using their maps. Each location has a link to their website to book an appointment and their contact number.
My husband and I came across Arbor Memorial as they had a memorial service or celebration of life for those who had lost their pets. On September 26th, Arbor Memorial's McEachnie Funeral Home Chapel on Old Kingston Road in Ajax held a memorial service for pets who had crossed Rainbow Bridge. Guests were asked to submit a photo, name, and optional dates to be displayed with other pets who had also crossed over. Arbor Memorial believes in healing and providing closure for the loss of our loved ones, humans and pets, through memorial service, personalized keepsakes, or even a celebration of life. (Staff, 2021)
Vision, Mission, Values
Arbor Memorial's vision is to put families first by creating meaningful end-of-life events to celebrate loved ones. Their mission is guided by the belief that life should be remembered uniquely by providing expert guidance to honour, remember, and celebrate loved ones. Arbor Memorial's values are excellence, integrity, trust, teamwork, and compassion. (Memorial, 2021)
Community Involvement
Arbor Memorial supports SickKids Foundation, Children's Wish Foundation, Bereaved Families of Ontario – Toronto, and Kids Help Phone. Arbor Memorial understands that they are members of the communities they serve, and they proudly support events and initiatives that support community values. (Memorial, 2021)
Asides from their involvement in providing community support to organizations, Arbor Memorial also provides support to individuals and families. One of the ways mentioned includes hosting a public Rainbow Bridge Memorial Services at their various funeral homes across the provinces. Arbor Memorial also planted over 20,000 geraniums in flower beds and gardens throughout their various locations. The Special Floral Tribute project was designed with a goal to honour the lives lost due to covid. Signs are placed at the location of these flower sites to explain the significance of the geranium tribute. Arbor Memorial also had a community survey, where participants could qualify to win a copy of their Estate Planning Kit ™ and $10,000. Canadian residents would fill out one ballot per person, enter their information, and answer questions for their chance to win. In December of 2020, Kevin from Brampton was rewarded the prize of $10,000. Arbor Memorial also held a virtual candlelight service through the Saying Goodbye Campaign.
The Saying Goodbye concert, held in November of 2020, was a way for Arbor staff to show they were listening to find creative ways to support the people they serve. Arbor Memorial staff are aware of the grief accumulated through isolation and covid, especially since many could not visit their loved ones in nursing or funeral homes. The Saying Goodbye Concert, organized by Arbor Memorial's partner, the Canadian Hospice and Palliative Care Association, brought artists representing Canadians and First Nations to share their music and stories. The goal was to provide comfort and companionship for those who lost their ability to grieve through traditional mourning rituals.
Arbor Memorial provides community services that are unique and diverse, which reflects the communities they serve. Brampton Memorial Gardens is home to the largest Muslim community. One large garden is dedicated to Muslim families in collaboration with the Islamic Society of Peel, and another is to the Ahmadiyya community of Brampton. Not only have they provided space for the Muslim community, but they also orient each burial space to face Mecca. In Ottawa, the Capital Funeral Home and Cemetary serves Ontario's first Baha'i Cemetery Garden, which is arranged eastward toward Haifa, Israel.
Many of Arbor Memorial gardens across Canada have been designed for the Chinese Canadian community. Grounds are designed with Feng Shui's universal principles, including the highest grounds for rainwater draining, south facing to maximize sunlight, trees placed around the perimeter so shadows fall away from the monuments, views of the western mountains, organic energy flow, and meaningful details such as lotus flowers, dragons, and moon gates. (Staff V. A., 2021)
The Arbor Memorial Foundation is a charitable aspect designed for Arbor staff to donate their time and money to raise funds for various causes. Arbor Memorial Inc matches all of the funds raised to assist with fundraising efforts. Arbor Memorial distributes funds to local community groups, disaster relief, senior services, and various organizations. Funds are donated to local community groups as a way for employees to give back to the organizations they are involved with. Some of the groups Arbor Memorials donates to are Children’s Wish, the Hospice of Windsor and Essex County, Lighthouse Program for Grieving Children, Alberta Health Services – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Program, Atlantic Wellness, Nanaimo Community Hospice Centre, Lock Lomond Villa Foundation, Oakville Hospital Foundation, CMAT, Surrey Hospice Society, The Salvation Army, Hesperus Village, and Fife House; to name a few. (Memorial A. , Arbor Memorial Foundation, Arbor Memorial Inc, 2021)
On September 22nd, Ottawa’s Abor Memorial Funeral Home donated $50,000 to various charities in Ottawa. John Laframboise has been working for fifty years with Abor Memorial’s Kelly Funeral Homes. He began working as a funeral procession car washer and later became a funeral director. His mentor, Lorne Kelly, instilled the value of charity. The Arbor Memorial Foundation is giving back to their community to celebrate John’s fifty years of working with Arbor Memorial. John is an example of Arbor Memorial’s dedication to providing quality care and service to bereaved families in the community. John has worked with Hospice Care Ottawa and Shepherds of Good Hope. In 2017, with help from John, the Ruddy-Shenkman Hospice by Hospice Care Ottawa was opened with 12 beds. (Laprade, 2021)
Resources
Arbor Memorial offers resource articles on various topics, including remembering our pet companions, choosing a gift for a friend that is grieving, how technology can support through grief, funerals in the time of covid, grieving a covid death, ways to offer considerate condolences after a loved one dies, preparing for a future after a pet's death, coping from the death of a co-worker, helping ageing parents cope with the loss of a friend, and what working with death can teach about living – to name a few. (Memorial V. A., 2021) Arbor Memorial staff, Shannon Burberry, wrote about what working with death can teach you about living.
As a child, Shannon knew that she wanted to be a funeral director. She even met with a funeral director on career day when she was in grade ten. Over her 25 years in the industry, Shannon realizes that there is much to learn about life when working with death. Shannon writes that our goodbyes are equally important as our hellos. She argues that we spend and plan a lot of time revolving around celebrating life and parties for rites of passage, but less time spent planning our exit from this world. Shannon believes that our end-of-life celebrations should be planned carefully and uniquely to personalize a goodbye celebration. Some of these aspects include the stories shared, rituals, musical preferences, and what kind of legacy to leave behind. Shannon shares her opinion that technology has changed most of our lives, including how we grieve or learn of deaths on social media rather than obituaries. She states that technology has the power to connect us when we live far away or are unable to travel. Shannon shares that she has learned that taking the time to visit loved ones, even when we do not know what to say, has great value. The most important thing Shannon has shared is that she learned time is a gift that should not be squandered. She shares that it is essential to celebrate our loved one's lives and stories and give them a unique and proper goodbye. (Burberry, 2017)
Many of these resources articles contain valuable information that can resonate with many in different times of their life. As I am currently studying Thanatology, I read Shannon's article on what working with death can teach us about living. I found the article to be straightforward and particularly resonating as Shannon makes a great point. As I reflect, I realize that we spend a lot of time celebrating life, whether for birthday parties every year we turn older, for a baby shower, or for college graduation. I have realized that end-of-life can be seen as the final party, which accumulates everything we celebrated in growing older. Arbor Memorial staff, including Shannon, value the idea that end-of-life planning should be unique to the person we celebrate and should not be made to feel cookie-cutter.
Service Offered
Arbor Memorial offers a 4-step guidance program for funeral arrangements. The first step is to establish specific needs to start or continue the funeral planning process. Arbor Memorial also has an Estate Planning Kit, including personal wishes, important contact and numbers, important documents, and family and Executor information. Step three reviews the information gathered while guiding the funeral, cemetery, burial, or cremation planning. Finally, step four involves the finalization of the planning, which includes financial schedules. (Memorial A. , Learn about pre-planning your final arrangements, 2021)
Arbor Memorial has a brochure on the 87 decisions needed to be made once a person dies, which are often made within 72 hours unless they are done ahead of time. The categories are vital information and documents, personal choices and final wishes, who to notify when a death occurs, and responsibilities at the time of death. The brochure is designed to assist families in making their arrangements ahead of time to ease the family planning burden at the end of life. (Memorial A. , 87 Decisions Choice and Things to do , 2021)
Arbor Memorial also offers pre-need life insurance policies designed to relieve family members of the financial costs at the time of death. Plans are discussed with a qualified agent and will vary on the value of services and merchandise selected. Policies and funds are secured through Assurant Life of Canada and claims will be processed, and funds will be delivered to the funeral home within 24 hours. (Memorial A. , Arbor Memorial Insurance Inc, 2021)
Arbor Memorial has also been aware of how covid has affected bereaved families to find closure without mourning through rituals or family support. On September 16th, Diane Moniz-Alves spoke with Dina on Breakfast Television to share how a second or delayed celebration of life can help bereaved individuals find closure. Diane explains how covid restricted and limited families from having the funeral they would have wanted. Arbor Memorial’s Lynett Funeral Home in Toronto has planned for families to have a secondary funeral with digital services, live streaming, boxed lunches, and telepresence robots. Many families may take the opportunity to plan a secondary funeral, either to include more visitors, to find closure, or perform rituals that they were not able to perform during covid. (Television, 2021)
Arbor Memorial’s McEachnie Funeral Home, Ajax, Ontario
The McEachnie Funeral Home has been serving the Durham region since 1944. Their values are consistent with Arbor Memorial’s as they are proud to support families, religious organizations, and local associations while customizing arrangements that respect faith and budgets. McEachnie Funeral Home hosts free memorial events throughout the year and shares their community room for local non-profit meetings, free of charge. On the third Wednesday of each month, from 9 am to 11 am, knitters meet to share their experiences and projects while participating in Project Linus Canada, knitting blankets for children who are going through a crisis in their lives. (Home, 2021)
A few reviews on Yelp describe McEachnie Funeral Home as lovely, empathetic, going the extra mile, organized, comfortable, spacious, respectful staff, umbrella services, decent pricing, and professional while sensitive. (Reviews, 2021) In 2019, McEachnie Funeral Home donated to WindReach Farm in Whitby. Based on the Facebook photo caption, it seems as if WindReach Farm relies on donations from individuals and corporations because they do not receive government funding. It also seems as if McEachnie has supported WindReach Farms for many years. (Farm, 2019)
Thoughts on Arbor Memorial
I chose Arbor Memorial for this resource assignment, even though funeral homes were not listed on the assignment outline. I did not realize Arbor Memorial is the head of many funeral homes, especially hosting the Ajax Pet Memorial. I greatly appreciate their involvement in community issues and not just associated with end-of-life funerals. I appreciate that my local chapel hosts memorial events throughout the year, share their spaces for charity, and provides a community for a good cause, like Project Linus. I have driven by McEachnie Funeral Home many times. However, now I have a greater appreciation and positive connection with the funeral home.
I also chose Arbor Memorial Home because it is one of the first places people will visit or go to in their bereavement. Once a person or family knows they are nearing end-of-life, they will likely contact one of Arbor Memorial’s Homes, mainly because they have many locations. An ill person staying in one of the hospices mentioned may choose Arbor Memorial because of their alliance. A Muslim or Chinese person may recognize the need to face Mecca or rest in Feng Shui’s principles and choose an Arbor Home. When considering end-of-life options, Arbor Memorial Funeral homes have created a strong and resonating presence. They also have many aspects covered, including pre-need insurance, an Alliance saving program, estate planning, and a variety of burial or cremation options. I believe a positive, clear, and organized experience in end-of-life planning can help bereaved family members feel assured that their loved one's wishes were executed and they are resting peacefully.
I have never planned a funeral, but I have visited an Arbor Memorial Home after reviewing their locations. One of the reviewers on Yelp wrote that it is weird to review a Funeral Home. I do agree with their point that it is weird. Usually, visitors are so wrapped up in grief that they are not reviewing the funeral home. However, I can see how family members will later reflect on their experiences and associate them with their ability to cope or grieve their family members. They may have peace of mind knowing the staff are experienced and licensed funeral directors. Websites also post an itemized list of expenses so that people who have never arranged a funeral can begin thinking about those prices. I know for myself; seeing that list has made me think about ensuring that I have money saved for my funeral. I particularly appreciated the 87 decisions brochure list because it helps us realize the number of things that must be dealt with in that time.
As I have read and learned about the different grief models, I have read about a grieving person having an initial shock state that allows them to begin their grief journey. Colin Murray Parke’s phase model emphasizes an initial numbness or blunting of emotions, which allows a bereaved person to carry out end-of-life wishes or final arrangements. (Hadad, 2009, p. 63) Catherine Sanders Integrative Model describes the first phase of shock as the sympathetic nervous system kicking in as a response to the stress, which allows a person to carry out the practical arrangements that cannot be delayed. (Hadad, 2009, p. 65) I would never undermine the amount of grief that comes with a loved one dying. Still, I think Arbor Memorial may be onto something to provide an inclusive, unique, and compassionate end-of-life planning. After reviewing their page, I feel somewhat at peace, reading some of their articles and seeing everything they have to offer.
As mentioned, the list of 87 decisions to be made seems overwhelming. I even thought, what if I were to organize some of these items now, and it made me feel anxious. I cannot imagine what it would be like if I had to do this for my loved ones at the end of their life. I believe that checking some of those items off the list can initiate the difficult conversations surrounding death, changing the topic to feel less taboo and done with loved ones and qualified individuals. I think the support that Arbor Memorial Homes offers to their community will positively affect people facing death and grieving. When family members look back, they may remember some of the conversations they had around the 87 decisions, or they may remember a compassionate and respectful experience – all things to help them through their grief. Perhaps, these individuals can help their friends or loved ones by sharing what they learned and their experiences—creating a chain reaction to support end-of-life planning.
One aspect that I think about for myself and my family members is to have a funeral where we can incorporate our traditional end-of-life rituals. After searching the internet, I came across the Sanatan Mandir Culture Center’s presentation on a guide to Hindu Funerals featuring Arbor Memorial’s Highland Funeral Home, Markham Chapel. Their brochure summarizes perfectly what I was trying to but did not have the right words. Highland’s professional staff will assist with every aspect of the funeral process and work seamlessly with religious institutions and other specialists for all events, including ones held at the family home. Their approach is considered helpful and comprehensive, leaving time for what truly is important during grief: visiting loved ones, honouring the special memory, and sharing comfort. (Center, 2021)
The guide completed by the cultural center has various resources, including when the unexpected happens, why pre-plan a funeral, steps to take when death has occurred and there are no pre-planned arrangements, frequently asked questions about cremation, checklist for the funeral arrangement, Canadian pension survivor benefits, typical religious do’s and don’t’s, a list of Pooja or prayer items required, and a list of Hindu prayers.
More information about Sanatan Mandir, their funeral services and a complete guide can be found on their website page.
Final Thoughts
I have gratitude for completing this assignment and choosing Arbor Memorial as my resource topic. I hope it was an acceptable choice. I feel less anxious when thinking about end-of-life planning as I now realize many funeral homes operate under Arbor Memorial, which focuses on unique end-of-life planning. I hope to share what I have learned with friends and family, including the 87 decision resource brochure.
As I was completing my Social Service diploma, I supported members in Durham Region who have cognitive limitations. I supported one of the members by helping them with their resume and finding employment. This member volunteered at WindReach Farm. I feel a sense of connection that McEachnie Funeral Home in Ajax regularly donates to support WindReach Farm. I had recently moved to the Durham Region and had never heard of WindReach Farm until I met my member. While working on their resume, we spent some time going over their experience and what skills we could transfer onto their resume. It is slightly a small full circle for me to learn that in some way, Arbor Memorial McEachnie's Funeral Home truly supports their community through their donations, as I am sure it reached and helped my member.
I have never thought about funeral planning as part of the grieving process, especially when having these discussions with loved ones or for ourselves. I believe that Arbor Memorial’s values and mission stand true in that they put families first by creating meaningful and unique end-of-life celebrations to guide, honour, and remember our loved ones. When I visit a funeral home, I will check to see if they are an Arbor Memorial Funeral Home. I know it will bring me greater peace to help me through my grief. Not to say that other homes will not, but I know I will feel assured because of what I have researched.
Thank you for providing me with this opportunity.
References
Burberry, S. (2017, September 7). Life of a funeral director: what working with death can teach you about living. Retrieved from Arbor Memorial : https://www.arbormemorial.ca/en/blog/blog-posts/2017/life-of-a-funeral-director
Center, S. M. (2021, October 1). Cover Page - The Final Journey . Retrieved from Sanatan Mandir: https://sanatanmandir.com/assets/pdf/final_journey_1-20.pdf
Farm, W. (2019, August 22). McEachnie Funeral Home Posts. Retrieved from Facebook : https://business.facebook.com/windreachfarm/photos/a.212354175443172/3208162912528935/?type=3&theater
Hadad, M. (2009). The Ultimate Challenge, Coping with Death, Dying, and Bereavement. Toronto: Nelson.
Home, M. F. (2021, October 1). McEachnie Funeral Home - Ajax. Retrieved from McEachnie Funeral Home: https://www.arbormemorial.ca/en/mceachnie
Laprade, S. (2021, September 21). Philanthropy in Ottawa: $50,000 donation to match 50 years service. Retrieved from Ottawa Business Journal : https://obj.ca/article/giving/philanthropy-ottawa-50000-donation-match-50-years-service
Memorial, A. (2021, October 1). 87 Decisions Choice and Things to do . Retrieved from Arbor Memorial PDF brochure: https://www.arbormemorial.ca/Assets/PDF-Offers/87-Decisions-_Online_NEW.pdf
Memorial, A. (2021, October 1). Arbor Memorial Foundation, Arbor Memorial Inc. Retrieved from Arbor Memorial: https://www.arbormemorial.ca/en/about-us/arbor-memorial-foundation
Memorial, A. (2021, October 1). Arbor Memorial Insurance Inc. Retrieved from Arbor Memorial : https://www.arbormemorial.ca/en/what-we-do/insurance
Memorial, A. (2021, October 1). Funeral, Cemetary and Cremation Services - Arbor Memorial. Retrieved from Arbor Memorial: https://www.arbormemorial.ca/en
Memorial, A. (2021, October 1). Learn about pre-planning your final arrangements. Retrieved from Arbor Memorial : https://www.arbormemorial.ca/en/start-planning/4-steps-to-pre-planning
Memorial, V. A. (2021, October 1). Grief - Blog: News & stories about topics related to funerals, celebration of life, cemetery, cremation and pre-planning. Retrieved from Arbor Memorial: https://www.arbormemorial.ca/en/blog/blog-categories?category=grief
Reviews. (2021, October 1). McEachnie Funeral Home. Retrieved from Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/mceachnie-funeral-home-ajax
Staff, A. (2021, August 24). Remembering our pet companions. Retrieved from Arbor Memorial: https://www.arbormemorial.ca/en/blog/blog-posts/2021/remembering-our-pet-companions
Staff, V. A. (2021, October 1). Arbor in the community - . Retrieved from Arbor Memorial : https://www.arbormemorial.ca/en/blog/blog-categories?category=arbor-in-the-community
Television, B. (2021, September 16). Many planning secondary funerals to help with grieving process of lost love ones. Retrieved from BTToronto: https://www.bttoronto.ca/videos/many-planning-secondary-funerals-to-help-with-grieving-process-of-lost-love-ones/