Grief
Grief is the reaction to any form of loss. It is one of the emotional reactions to change.
By standard definition, Grief is the mental suffering, deep sorrow, and distress over a loss of affliction - a sharp sorrow, or a painful regret. In Old French, Grief is an injustice or misfortune. In French, Grever, means to burden, afflict or oppress. In Latin, Gravare and Gravis, means to make heavy and to weigh down, respectively.
A common saying is that it is the Love that we have that has nowhere to go.
We grieve because at one point we loved. We empathize with the one that we loss as it hurts so much to see our loved ones suffer, feel pain, or die young. Our life changes in a way that we mourn our previous life. the life that we will never experience again, and one that we are forced to have to learn to live it. Some times we can prepare to grieve, and other times it is out of our control.
Grief is the internal, deep sadness that we feel inside. Mourning is the outward expression of our inward grief. Bereavement is the state of time of mourning and the process of grief.
Grief encompasses a variety of feelings and includes the process of adapting. Feelings range from initial numbness, denial, disbelief, confusion, shock, anger, despair, guilt, remorse, humiliation, rage, numbness.
There is no defined timeline for the grieving process. It is nonlinear, and it is a healing and transformative process as it integral to the human process. Grief forces us to feel, learn, grow, and ask questions that we may not have asked before.
The process of healing varies dramatically and is based solely on the individual. Influencing factors include the relationship, the strengths, belief and support system, and what memories were created.
Loss is a concept that many people have a hard time understanding. The death of a loved one is one of life's most stressful event as it can cause major emotional crisis. The loss of a job, relationship, personal item - can equally create the variety of feelings. There is no simple answer and no real formula.
Most learn to heal through expressing their feelings rather then holding them in. Some express their grief through physical reactions - unable to sleep, appetite changes, and other through social interactions - wanting to be alone or inappropriate outbursts.
Acute grief can produce symptoms of sighing, emptiness, shortness of breath, tightness in the throat, muscle weakness, fatigue, chest pain, heart palpitations, hair loss, excessive crying, anxiety, irritability, anger, restlessness, insomnia, poor concentrations, thinking about mortality, absentmindedness, and obsessing over the loved one's death.
Some may need medical intervention as it can appear in waves and can last for 20 minutes. Some may have feelings of guilt that the person could have prevented the death of their loved one. Irritability and anger can be aimed at other people, disoriented behaviours such as restlessness and difficulty with sleep with an inability to focus on activities. Acute grief can produce feelings of unreality or some sort or out of touch with the real word, they can daydream, search for their loved one, have auditory or visual hallucinations, and even be preoccupied with their own death.
Complicated grief can produce intense sorrow that does not get better, obsession, inability to accept the death, longing, feeling numb, detached, bitter, depression, isolation, an inability to carry out daily activities or to enjoy happy moments, and wishing to have died with the loved one.
Struggling to cope produced prolonged mental health affects as the symptoms do not fade and the person cannot function normally. Ultimately they cannot transition through the phases. Depression, isolation for long periods of times can occur. They can become detached from the world, society, cannot enjoy life, blame themselves, feel life is not worth living, and they contemplate suicide.
Risk factors for complicated grief includes parents losing a child, tragic, violent or sudden death, premature death, someone who is dependent on the person, pre-existing mental health issues such as anxiety, low ability or inability to form relationships with others, history of depression, PTSD, and someone who is experiencing other hardships and difficulties.
How do we learn to navigate life once we have lost a loved one. Some seek outside support, some attend church, and some seem to move on fairly quickly. The experience of death of a loved one, is known as bereavement. It literally means to be deprived by death.
Grief and sadness may never leave us, but the intensity may change over time. There may be days that are really good and some that are bad.
Bereavement is the process one goes through after the death of a loved one over an undefined amount of time.
Loss is the process of losing something that we once had. It can be an object, a job, a relationship, hold monetary value, a home, a pet, and a loved one.
Acute grief is a psychological syndrome that produces intense physical, emotional, and behavioural symptoms.. The symptoms would vary for each other person and they may pass or turn into complicated grief.
Complicated grief is the persistent form of bereavement that dominates a person's life, interfering with daily functioning for an extended time. It occurs when the ability to move through the grieving process is prolonged by maladaptive behaviours, obsessive thoughts, and uncontrollable feelings. Complicated grief is likely to occur with very deep and rewarding relationships, and if there are any unanswered questions. These questions can plague the mind with reasoning and searching for answers.
Why does it matter to know the difference? Well, to be honest, it does not make a difference. But it is essential to define what is happening and what we are feeling. If a person experiences many months of sleepless nights after the death of a loved one, they may ask their doctor for medication to help them sleep. The medication is then used as a coping mechanism for the lack of sleep. The medicine may be helpful to promote sleep in the person, but it will not treat the initial cause - the grief.
There are a variety of resources, professionals, and support forums available for those who are unsure how to navigate going forward. Different types of therapies and counselling is available. Not all will work for everyone, but there may be one that will work as every person is different.
There are 5 types of personalities found within the grieving process. It is not black and white, and some may have a few qualities from each type.
Nomads are individuals who have yet to resolve their grief. They may experiences emotions like anger, denial, confusion, and uncertainty. They do not understand how the loss of their loved one has affected their life just yet.
Memorialists are individuals who are focused on preserving the memory of their loved one. They may find and print many photos and display them around their house. They may write a poem or the eulogy of their loved one. They may engage in a form of art relating to the person they have lost.
Normalizers are individuals who are focused on returning to their pre-loss life as soon as possible.
Activists are individuals who create meaning from their loss by contributing to the quality of life of others through activities or careers that give them a purpose in life. Their main focus becomes education and helping others deal with similar issues relating to the loss.
Seekers are individuals who ponder and reflect on philosophical questions related to human existence, life and death, and the meaning of life. They may begin to adopt religious or spiritual beliefs to help them cope or manage their grieving process.
We have all heard of the Kubler-Ross 5 Stages of Grief. It can happen in any order and at any time of the process. The first is the denial of accepting the loss which can turn into anger or even extreme rage. It can be directed towards the person, the hospital, God, other family members, and even towards the self. Bargaining begins when we try to make a deal to save, stop, or reverse the death. Depression while grieving is natural and can manifest in a varieties of way. Acceptance can appear at any point in the process, however if the entire process is incomplete then acceptance may come and go. Some may also experience guilt and shock within the process.
It is inevitable to experience Grief and Loss. The tasks that come with this are accepting our new reality, taking the appropriate time and process to work through the pain, adapt to the new life and circumstances, and maintaining healthy memories and connections while moving on. It is essential to process to not lose sight on reality by living in a false joy and happiness.
The Mourning process usually encompasses reconciling four tasks for four stages: numbness, pining, despair or disorganization, and reorganizing behaviours. The first task is to accept the new reality, especially when death is sudden. It involves accepting that life will now be different. It is a hard stage to process, but it is important to acknowledge and begin working through the physical and emotional pains. Adjusting includes adapting to a new environment, knowing and accepting the your new identity, and reflecting on spiritual beliefs. In this time, it is necessary to seek good support, and make healthy changes to lessen guilt and self-loathing.
I do believe the best way to honour our loved ones, is to embody everything that we loved about them. This allows their legacy to continue while keeping their spirits alive through those they loved.
